Ennui- a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction from a lack of occupation or excitement.
Ennui. That's the word that came to mind when I sat in the bathtub for the first time in years without a book. Yes, even in the tub I must be consuming. It was a dreadful feeling.
The first few days passed without much notice. I was busy with work and still tending to previously planned "yes" activities from the last experiment. By the time I came home from work and evening social activities, it was already time for bed. I almost fooled myself into thinking that this experiment would let me go unscathed.
A few days in, it finally hit me. A big wave of melancholy surged through my body. I had no plans for the evening so I did what I normally do, minus the distractions. I cooked dinner alone in silence and ate awkwardly without any screens for entertainment. Finally, I sat alone in a sea of warm water, purposefully making loud splashes like a little kid to hear something. Anything to distract me. Ennui.